Text by Ruben Rivera. Art by Anita Rivera.
Tea Rat: I say, dear old sport / do think I fall short / if I asked the announcer / if I could announce, Sir?
Rattus: Why are you speaking in verse?
Tea Rat: I'm just warming up / chickadee, chip, chirrup / for soon and alas / a can of wup-arse / will be opened on thee / by none other than me.
Rattus: I think I'll go lie down for a minute.
Tea Rat to Announcer: I say my good lad / would it be in taste bad / if my voice were but lent / to announce this event?
Announcer: No. That's my job. Now I have to use the little boys room, so don't you touch anything while I'm gone.
Click! wooomm! Tap! Tap!
Tea Rat: Testing, one, two, three. Testing. Test. Hurrrumph! ♪ ♫ Bumble bee-hee ♪ ♫ Bumble bee-hee ♪ ♫ Bumble bee-hee ♪ ♫ Bumble bee ♪ ♫
Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is it. A no holds barred, wear your heart on your sleeve, warm and fuzzy, "We are the World", if loving you is wrong I don't want to be right, It-all-ends-in-2012-Mayan Calendar Edition, RAT POETRY SLAM.
As everyone on earth remembers, of the two main contestants in the last round, Rattus Scribus, despite all his valiant verbiage, simply could not hold a candle to the word-smith wizardry of the one and only Tea Rat. Tea Rat, whose every vowel and consonant were like unto the thunderbolts of the god Zeus himself. Tea Rat, whose scintillating sibilants caused poor Rattus to fall prostrate on the ground, lying in a pool of shock and awe.....
Announcer: What do you think you're doing? You're not allowed in here. Hey you, come back here. Security! Security!
LATER:
Rattus: Having a good time are we?
Tea Rat: It wasn't me.
Rattus: What wasn't you?
Tea Rat: Whatever.
Announcer: Ladieeeees aaaand gentlemeeen...
Rattus: Here we go. Good luck old thing.
Tea Rat: You too, old friend.
Announcer: ...the first of our final contestants, give it up for Tea Rat.
Tea Rat:
Love. By Tea Rat
Love
Some say it is passion
Some say it is lust
To one it is fashion
Another it's trust
The future that's promised
In the giving of rings
Through the wailing of tempest
To the songbird that sings
But of all of the tributes
That have ever been penned
There is none so acute
As the one called a friend
And so my dear Rattus
without further adieu
I dedicate this poem
to none other than you
The future that's promised
In the giving of rings
Through the wailing of tempest
To the songbird that sings
But of all of the tributes
That have ever been penned
There is none so acute
As the one called a friend
And so my dear Rattus
without further adieu
I dedicate this poem
to none other than you
Rattus: Sniff, sniff. I don't know what to say. I'm deeply touched. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, For his unexpected poem of tribute to our friendship, I concede victory to my oldest and dearest friend, Tea Rat.
Announcer: And there you have it. The winner of the Rat Poetry Slam 2012 Mayan Calendar Apocalypse Edition is, my rat and yours, Tea Rat.
Tea Rat: Told you I'd open up a can of wup-arse on you.
Rattus: What was that?
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