Writing is an Itch. This is a place to scratch.

Monday, January 16, 2012

2012 Valentine Rat Poetry Slam: Round 1

--> By Ruben Rivera
Rattus Scribus Blog©
14 Jan 2012
Drawings by Anita Rivera©

Announcer: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, children young and old, to the first annual world championship Valentine Rat Poetry Slam: Apocalypse Edition. Creatures from every walk of life have traveled great distances to attend this historic event. 

Some have been camping out for days, waiting, having tailgate parties.

But now, at long last, the day has arrived. Our first contestant is Rattus Scribus. Rattus describes himself as someone who loves quiet walks, cozying up with a good book by a warm fire, and a wide genre of music. He loves a dark smooth ale in a rustic pub in the company of good friends. He has written several poems including "Ode to a Wedge of Cheese". Let's give up up for Rattus. 

Rattus: Thank you everyone. I'm honored to be here. This poem is titled "Valentine Mouse". It is dedicated to heartsick lovers everywhere.

Valentine Mouse
By Rattus Scribus

I see a wee mouse
and I feel such a louse
for unless and in time
you consent to be mine
I'm undone and find nothing of worth

I see a wee mouse
in a polka dot blouse
and I feel that this lad
will most surely go mad
for begone are the joy and the mirth

And so dear wee mouse
will you come to my house
oh please say you'll be mine
my sweet mouse Valentine
else they lay me dead under the earth 

Announcer: That was "Valentine Mouse," ladies and gentleman. Let's give it up once more for Rattus.

Announcer: Out next poet is Tea Rat. Tea Rat says he hails from parts unknown. He has an advanced degree in Teaology and sells tea all over the world. His favorite time of day is, not surprisingly, tea time. He first poem was a love sonnet to a particularly wicked Earl Grey with a double infusion of Bergamot. He calls himself the Merchant of Morphemes, the Vicar of Vocab, the Sultan of Syntax, Prince of Punctuation, Dictator of Diction, the Crown Head of Compound Verbs. Give it up ladies and gentlemen for the one, the only, that Rajah of Rhetoric, the Lord of Lilting Lyrics...T-E-A  R-A-T!

Tea Rat: Yeah! Whoo...whoo...whoo!

Tea Rat: Thank you, thank you. Ok, now you're embarrassing me. Please, please, stop. I'll give you five minutes to stop that.

Announcer: OK, Tea Rat, what is the title of your poem? 

Tea Rat: I've got a few more minutes of clapping left.
Announcer: Poem?

Tea Rat: Alright. The title of my poem is "With You". It is a combination of classic love poems rendered so as to create something new.
With you
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
I haven't a clue.
But I'm so crazy about you my heart aches.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
 No, that would take too many days. 
Let me simply say:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
 or to
...beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies
So say my eyes.
 Of this we can agree:
 If ever two were one, then surely we
and surely to this truth none opposes
They are not long, the days of wine and roses 
Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine
Oh, say that you will
Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has make all the difference 
 With you. 


Announcer: The crowd is going wild. It's Tea Rat mania. 

Announcer: Well, it's up to the people now. Please send in your comments and vote for your favorite rat poem. Do you vote for Rattus, "Valentine Mouse," or for Tea Rat, "With You." Please cast your votes.

Poems (italics) in descending order by:
Shakespeare, "Romeo & Juliet"
Elizabeth B. Browning, "Sonnets from the Portuguese"
Shakespeare, "Sonnet 18"
Lord Byron, "She Walks in Beauty"
Anne Bradstreet, "To my Dearest and Loving Husband"
Ernest Dowson, "Vitae Summa Brevis"
Ben Johnson, "To Celia"
Robert Browning, "Rabbi Ben Ezra"
Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken"

Thursday, January 12, 2012

2012 Rat Poetry Slam: Valentine Apocalypse Edition

By Ruben Rivera© Art by Anita Rivera©

Tea Rat: Rattus, did you hear there's going to be a Rat Poetry Slam for the best Valentine poem of 2012.

Rattus: Really? Well, I'm going to win that prize. 

Tea Rat: You mean you're going to win second prize, because someone else is going to win the first. 

Rattus: And who might that be? 

Tea Rat: Why me of course, boyo.

 Rattus: You? You couldn't rhyme two identical words. 

Tea Rat: I tell you I'm going to win the Rat Poetry Slam to prove my love for Miss Moussie. 

Rattus: I think your cheese has slid off its cracker, son. I tell you that I'm going to win that contest to prove my love to Bebe the mouse.

Tea Rat: OK let's put it to a vote. Let's ask our readers whose poem is the best. 

Rattus: You mean I'll write some Valentines poetry and you'll write some and our friends will vote for the winner? 

Tea Rat: Exactly.

Rattus: I don't know. It sounds so crude and and unromantic.

Tea Rat: Brrrauck...bauck...bauck...bauck...bauck.  Brrauck...bauck...bauck. 

Rattus: Are you implying that I'm chicken? 

Tea Rat: Brrauck. 

Rattus: Very well then, you're on. And may the best rat win. 

Tea Rat: Thank you. I will. 

Rattus: Laugh it up. We'll see who laughs last.

Tea Rat: Tee...hee...hee... 

Rattus: Ha...ha...ha 

Tea Rat: Tee...hee...hee...

Rattus: Ha...ha...ha 

Tea Rat: Tee...hee...hee... 

Rattus: Ha...ha...ha
From now until Valentines Day, readers will have the chance to vote for their favorite Valentine poem from these two crazy rats. Two poems will be posted at a time. Just say in your comment which poem you like best, Rattus' or Tea Rat's. The first two poems will be posted in a few days.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

"POW!" Therefore I Am

By Ruben Rivera. Art by Anita Rivera.
All copyright laws apply.
Tea Rat: Rattus, I have a question I've been meaning to ask for a long time.

Rattus: That sounds serious.

Tea Rat: It is and if I can't get an answer I'm afraid of what comes next.

Rattus: You're scaring me, son. What is it?

Tea Rat: How can I know if I exist? 

Rattus: The philosopher Decartes answered that question with the famous dictum cogito ergo sum, I think therefore I am. So the fact that you're asking the question proves you exist to ask it.

Tea Rat: I don't know. That sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus to me. Just because you think something doesn't mean it exists.

Rattus: No, no, you misunderstand. He didn't say that anything you can think of must exist. Just that thinking is evidence of the existence of a thinker.

 Tea Rat: Sure, sure, but there's just one part I still don't understand.

Rattus: What part is that?

Tea Rat: The whole part.
Tea Rat:  OW !  My arm!

Rattus: Tell me, if you don't exist, who's pain is that?