Writing is an Itch. This is a place to scratch.

Monday, January 16, 2012

2012 Valentine Rat Poetry Slam: Round 1

--> By Ruben Rivera
Rattus Scribus Blog©
14 Jan 2012
Drawings by Anita Rivera©

Announcer: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, children young and old, to the first annual world championship Valentine Rat Poetry Slam: Apocalypse Edition. Creatures from every walk of life have traveled great distances to attend this historic event. 

Some have been camping out for days, waiting, having tailgate parties.

But now, at long last, the day has arrived. Our first contestant is Rattus Scribus. Rattus describes himself as someone who loves quiet walks, cozying up with a good book by a warm fire, and a wide genre of music. He loves a dark smooth ale in a rustic pub in the company of good friends. He has written several poems including "Ode to a Wedge of Cheese". Let's give up up for Rattus. 

Rattus: Thank you everyone. I'm honored to be here. This poem is titled "Valentine Mouse". It is dedicated to heartsick lovers everywhere.

Valentine Mouse
By Rattus Scribus

I see a wee mouse
and I feel such a louse
for unless and in time
you consent to be mine
I'm undone and find nothing of worth

I see a wee mouse
in a polka dot blouse
and I feel that this lad
will most surely go mad
for begone are the joy and the mirth

And so dear wee mouse
will you come to my house
oh please say you'll be mine
my sweet mouse Valentine
else they lay me dead under the earth 

Announcer: That was "Valentine Mouse," ladies and gentleman. Let's give it up once more for Rattus.

Announcer: Out next poet is Tea Rat. Tea Rat says he hails from parts unknown. He has an advanced degree in Teaology and sells tea all over the world. His favorite time of day is, not surprisingly, tea time. He first poem was a love sonnet to a particularly wicked Earl Grey with a double infusion of Bergamot. He calls himself the Merchant of Morphemes, the Vicar of Vocab, the Sultan of Syntax, Prince of Punctuation, Dictator of Diction, the Crown Head of Compound Verbs. Give it up ladies and gentlemen for the one, the only, that Rajah of Rhetoric, the Lord of Lilting Lyrics...T-E-A  R-A-T!

Tea Rat: Yeah! Whoo...whoo...whoo!

Tea Rat: Thank you, thank you. Ok, now you're embarrassing me. Please, please, stop. I'll give you five minutes to stop that.

Announcer: OK, Tea Rat, what is the title of your poem? 

Tea Rat: I've got a few more minutes of clapping left.
Announcer: Poem?

Tea Rat: Alright. The title of my poem is "With You". It is a combination of classic love poems rendered so as to create something new.
With you
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
I haven't a clue.
But I'm so crazy about you my heart aches.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
 No, that would take too many days. 
Let me simply say:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
 or to
...beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies
So say my eyes.
 Of this we can agree:
 If ever two were one, then surely we
and surely to this truth none opposes
They are not long, the days of wine and roses 
Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine
Oh, say that you will
Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has make all the difference 
 With you. 


Announcer: The crowd is going wild. It's Tea Rat mania. 

Announcer: Well, it's up to the people now. Please send in your comments and vote for your favorite rat poem. Do you vote for Rattus, "Valentine Mouse," or for Tea Rat, "With You." Please cast your votes.

Poems (italics) in descending order by:
Shakespeare, "Romeo & Juliet"
Elizabeth B. Browning, "Sonnets from the Portuguese"
Shakespeare, "Sonnet 18"
Lord Byron, "She Walks in Beauty"
Anne Bradstreet, "To my Dearest and Loving Husband"
Ernest Dowson, "Vitae Summa Brevis"
Ben Johnson, "To Celia"
Robert Browning, "Rabbi Ben Ezra"
Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken"


Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Alright you two....or one, I'M CONFUSED! Tea Rat and Rattus are so real to me (shhhhhhhh) that I don't know who to talk to here! Ruben, you are a crack-up. Your choice of pictures is great, and your poetry....I mean, TEA RAT, YOUR POETRY is hilarious.

BRING ON THE VOTERS! I shall cast my vote.

For eloquence and great decorum while executing the poem, I have to say that Rattus came in first.

For taking the classics and weaving them into HIS OWN rendition, there is NONE OTHER than Tea Rat. NUL AUTRE QUE TOI, TEA RAT!


RATTUS!!!!!!!! Now I know I won't be getting any tea tonight and my membership has just slipped a couple of notches below sea level.

Christel Hutson said...

oh my, we need to vote? I couldn't possibly choose, Both were so very entertaining! I think a vote for the person who chose to couple these photos, with these words must be ....a little touched! teehee ( we love touched individuals here)..well just such great great entertainment. TeaRat, such eloquence, yet simplicity, and direct to the point, and Rattus, no doubt you spent hours, and hours pondering the true meaning of life, love, and worldy things before compsosing this masterpiece!Bravo my rodent troubadors..onward! xoxox Christel

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Ahhhh....Rattus is ahead by a rat's tail. Tea Rat, you best have another draft of an ORIGINAL POEM!!! The heat is on......

My Spotty Pony said...

Oh what joy! But how can I possibly choose between these two!? Well, I can't, so have passed the vote over to Spotty!
And he has chosen..... Rattus! BUT only by a whisker as we love Tea Rat too... Oooooh round 1 has been tough!

Angelsdoor * Penny said...

GOOD GRAVY! As much as I love you Tea Rat, and your poem, I must cast my vote for Rattus, for he sent me this heartfelt poem for the world to see... Unfortunately it went down with the post... so how could I NOT vote for him...

Ruben Rivera said...

Dear Friends,
Neither Rattus nor Tea Rat could write to thank you themselves as this would be seen as undue influence on the voters. But we the Management of the First Annual Rat Valentine Poetry Slam would like to thank you for casting your vote for the First Annual Rat Valentine Poetry Slam. As we progress towards Valentine's day we will continue to tally up the millions and millions of votes and we assure that there will be no impropriety in the voting count. Each vote really does count and is as equal as another, not like in politics with their lobbyists and money under the table and back room deals and...Sorry for going off track.
We wish you the best,
Mgmt, First Annual Rat Valentine Poetry Slam

hi-d said...

Way too clever and cute. Can I just say that both of you are talented in your own right?! I can't vote. Nope...You're both so amazing. :)

Happy day!

Marqueta (Mar-keet-a) said...

Dear Ratly Friends,

I must say that both of your poems were excellent, in their own way.



lisa Moran, Bilancia Designs said...

"And the award for the most clever blog goes to...."
Wow...this was quite a surprise (but why should it be??)
I couldn't possibly choose a "winner" for BOTH characters are pure genius...or is it the creator???
I LOVE this!!!
Pure genius...

~CC Catherine said...

Reuben, How lovely both poems are - and I totally am enthralled by all the attendees clapping~ Too much fun.

Here we go; I vote for TEA RAT - and the poem, WITH YOU.

:) Kurtsy...
~CC Catherine, a friend of Anita's from catherinesteacups.blogspot.com
(I am not partial to Tea Rat because I have a blog honoring tea either) ;) I'm quite smitten with Rattus too; just WITH YOU made an impact on me.

Karena said...

I loved this post so much Ruben and have no wiser words than Anita. I will vote with Tea Rat, though it was close!!


Art by Karena

Nezzy said...

So sorry Tea Rat, although yours was superb Rattus "Valentine Mouse" poem was splendid.

We all know that splendid beats superb hands down.

Great job guys...

Have a fantastically blessed day!!! :o)

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Ruben,

Wonderful post and poem and I can see that you and Anita are both so very talented.
Too hard to make a choice, love them both, such great humour.

Wishing you and Anita, a lovely weekend

Palomasea said...

OMGoodness!!! I am laughing so hard!!!
Ok..here goes...one vote for Rattus, and...one for Tea Rat! (I do have two hands..hee)
And the images- hilarious:)) the clapping bunny! Everything..thank you, thank you for such joy!
A bientot!

Anonymous said...

When it comes to art, I always gravitate toward that which stirs my passion, so I must say that Tea Rat takes this one by far. The title alone already had me. :)

Nezzy said...

Booger...I came round two!!!


Have a blessed week man! :o)

Divine Theatre said...

I choose...neither...and both...but together...a duet! My heart shall break in two...one half for each. Yes. That is my choice.


Edie Marie's Attic said...

Rattus or Tea Rat... Rattus or Tea Rat... Rattus or Tea Rat...??? Hmmmmm... I loved the originality of Rattus' poem, so he gets my vote for Originality and Beautiful Sincerity. Tea Rat's poem or what he masterfully tried to piece together to make a poem of his own, sounded so much like my hubby's histerical ramblings of connecting disconnected things, that I totally fell for TR. He gets my vote for being the most like my CAARAAZYYY hubby!!

I was totally applauding with all those people!

hugs, Sherry

Jacqueline said...

One vote for Tea Rat...
by Pippit Priceless

One vote for Rattus...

One vote for Tea Rat...

One vote for Rattus...

All is even and square.

Two claps for each...
Two bravo for each...
Two Yippee and Yahoo for each...

All is even and square.

What the world needs now is more of this! May you forever and always entertain us and make us laugh. Brilliant dear rats, simply brilliant!

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