Writing is an Itch. This is a place to scratch.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Bloody 'ell


Tea Rat:  Rattus, will you looky there? Some bloody human set up a bloody trap to trick and kill one of our kind. Bloody 'ell.

Rattus:  Don't say "bloody" or 'ell". It's vulgar.

Tea Rat:  I know, but this issue just makes me, well...bloody mad.

Rattus:  I know. It is tragic.  Monstrous. Traps have been used in every way imaginable to persecute all the good creatures who hail from that noble stock, rodentia. In the Middle Ages, a plague wiped out a third of Europe, and who did they blame?

Tea Rat:  Rats. Of course

Rattus:  I mean, who else, right?

Tea Rat:  When you're right, you're right. You are so, sooo bloody ri...

Rattus:  And ever since then, it's been war on the rodents.
 Tea Rat:  "Ooo, Ooo. There's a rat. Let's kill it. Let's watch it suffer and die a thousand deaths. Ooo, Ooo. There's another one..."

Rattus:  In more than half a millennium -- even as humans have learned to fly to the moon and communicate instantaneously around the globe, and cure polio, and plumb the ocean depths -- things have not improved one iota for us.

Tea Rat:  One bloody iota.

Rattus:  Tea Rat!

Tea Rat:  Sorry. But I just get blo...

Rattus:  Even today, it's just more updated versions of the same old story.


Tea Rat:  Same old bloody story.

Rattus:  Then the government stepped in.

Tea Rat:  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Tee, hee, hee, hee. The bloody government. I know where this is going.

Rattus:  I mean it was bad enough when the private sector was inventing cheap consumer products to kill us. Leave it to the government to invest billions of dollars in the attempt to create the most terrifying WMD of all.


Tea Rat:  WMD?

Rattus:  Weapon of Mouse Destruction.

Tea Rat:  Bloody 'ell.

Rattus:  Exactly. And who, after all, are the humans to think themselves so above us. We know what they love the most, don't we? The fates have conspired to build a trap for them as punishment for their high crimes, right?

Tea Rat:  Fitting. Fitting indeed. And ironic. Fitting and ironic.

Rattus:  Yes. And even when they have no money, they invent new ways to satisfy their filthy habit.

Tea Rat:  Filthy. Foul, fetid, fecal even............ Ho! Wait a minute. Did you say, "Weapon of Mouse Destruction"?

Rattus:  That was like from five minutes ago.

Tea Rat:  You mean those bloody humans are trying to kill cute little mouses?

Rattus:  Mice. They are part of the rodent family.

Tea Rat:  Mouses, mice. Bloody 'ell. You mean they would try to kill Miss...Miss I can't even get myself to say it.

Rattus:  Miss Moussie. Yeah. Imagine how I feel. You know how I feel about Bebe.

Tea Rat:  Bloody 'ell.

Rattus:  Stop saying that.

Tea Rat:  That's it. I'm going to bloody well show those bloody humans what we rodents are bloody well made of. And that's the bloody truth.


Rattus:  Bloody 'ell.

3 comments:

Angelsdoor * Penny said...

Dear Rattus
Rat Butler and Scarlett were so pleased to meet you AND Tea Rat..
Scarlett tells me she thinks you are the cats meow.
Your admirer,
Bebe

Palomasea said...

Hee...hi Ruben!! Just left a little comment on Nowhere...I say Power To The Rodents! :)
Hope to see you both very soon!
Take care,
- Irina

Lady of the Woods said...

OMG! I can't bloody stand it! LOL LOL
first I see the description of this blog "writing is an itch, this is a place to scratch", and my funny bone gets all tangled in a knot! (I happen to be very easily amused and I love that about myself LOL)
Then I read the owner of this blog is none other than my new fairy friend Anita's Fairy Tale beloved!....then I read the bloody story and I want to scream like those nitwit nut fans of the Beatles.! LOL....I can't stand it! and that's a wonderful thing!!!
LOLOLOL.....I get all kinds of delicious types of smiles from the Castles and Rattus crew today! sending love there big time!!!