2012 Valentine Rat Poetry Slam: Round 1

--> By Ruben Rivera
Rattus Scribus Blog©
14 Jan 2012
Drawings by Anita Rivera©
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Announcer: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, children young and old, to the first annual world championship Valentine Rat Poetry Slam: Apocalypse Edition. Creatures from every walk of life have traveled great distances to attend this historic event. 

Some have been camping out for days, waiting, having tailgate parties.

But now, at long last, the day has arrived. Our first contestant is Rattus Scribus. Rattus describes himself as someone who loves quiet walks, cozying up with a good book by a warm fire, and a wide genre of music. He loves a dark smooth ale in a rustic pub in the company of good friends. He has written several poems including "Ode to a Wedge of Cheese". Let's give up up for Rattus. 

Rattus: Thank you everyone. I'm honored to be here. This poem is titled "Valentine Mouse". It is dedicated to heartsick lovers everywhere.

Valentine Mouse

By Rattus Scribus

I see a wee mouse

and I feel such a louse

for unless and in time

you consent to be mine

I'm undone and find nothing of worth

I see a wee mouse

in a polka dot blouse

and I feel that this lad

will most surely go mad

for begone are the joy and the mirth

And so dear wee mouse

will you come to my house

oh please say you'll be mine

my sweet mouse Valentine

else they lay me dead under the earth 

Announcer: That was "Valentine Mouse," ladies and gentleman. Let's give it up once more for Rattus.

Announcer: Out next poet is Tea Rat. Tea Rat says he hails from parts unknown. He has an advanced degree in Teaology and sells tea all over the world. His favorite time of day is, not surprisingly, tea time. He first poem was a love sonnet to a particularly wicked Earl Grey with a double infusion of Bergamot. He calls himself the Merchant of Morphemes, the Vicar of Vocab, the Sultan of Syntax, Prince of Punctuation, Dictator of Diction, the Crown Head of Compound Verbs. Give it up ladies and gentlemen for the one, the only, that Rajah of Rhetoric, the Lord of Lilting Lyrics...T-E-A  R-A-T!

Tea Rat: Yeah! Whoo...whoo...whoo!

Tea Rat: Thank you, thank you. Ok, now you're embarrassing me. Please, please, stop. I'll give you five minutes to stop that.

Announcer: OK, Tea Rat, what is the title of your poem? 

Tea Rat: I've got a few more minutes of clapping left.

Announcer: Poem?


Tea Rat: Alright. The title of my poem is "With You". It is a combination of classic love poems rendered so as to create something new.

With you

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

I haven't a clue.

But I'm so crazy about you my heart aches.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. 

 No, that would take too many days. 

Let me simply say:

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

 or to

...beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies

So say my eyes.

 Of this we can agree:

 If ever two were one, then surely we

and surely to this truth none opposes

They are not long, the days of wine and roses 

so

Drink to me only with thine eyes,

And I will pledge with mine

Oh, say that you will

Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be.

 For

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has make all the difference 

 With you. 

 

Announcer: The crowd is going wild. It's Tea Rat mania. 

Announcer: Well, it's up to the people now. Please send in your comments and vote for your favorite rat poem. Do you vote for Rattus, "Valentine Mouse," or for Tea Rat, "With You." Please cast your votes.

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Poems (italics) in descending order by:
Shakespeare, "Romeo & Juliet"
Elizabeth B. Browning, "Sonnets from the Portuguese"
Shakespeare, "Sonnet 18"
Lord Byron, "She Walks in Beauty"
Anne Bradstreet, "To my Dearest and Loving Husband"
Ernest Dowson, "Vitae Summa Brevis"
Ben Johnson, "To Celia"
Robert Browning, "Rabbi Ben Ezra"
Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken"