Writing is an Itch. This is a place to scratch.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Rat Poetry Slam: It-All-Ends-In-2012-Mayan Calendar Edition

Text by Ruben Rivera. Art by Anita Rivera.

Tea Rat: I say, dear old sport / do think I fall short / if I asked the announcer / if I could announce, Sir?

Rattus: Why are you speaking in verse?

Tea Rat: I'm just warming up / chickadee, chip, chirrup / for soon and alas / a can of wup-arse / will be opened on thee / by none other than me.

Rattus: I think I'll go lie down for a minute.

Tea Rat to Announcer: I say my good lad / would it be in taste bad / if my voice were but lent / to announce this event?

Announcer: No. That's my job. Now I have to use the little boys room, so don't you touch anything while I'm gone.

Click!  wooomm!  Tap! Tap!

Tea Rat: Testing, one, two, three. Testing. Test. Hurrrumph! ♪ ♫ Bumble bee-hee ♪ ♫ Bumble bee-hee ♪ ♫ Bumble bee-hee ♪ ♫ Bumble bee ♪ ♫

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is it. A no holds barred, wear your heart on your sleeve, warm and fuzzy, "We are the World", if  loving you is wrong I don't want to be right, It-all-ends-in-2012-Mayan Calendar Edition, RAT POETRY SLAM.

As everyone on earth remembers, of the two main contestants in the last round, Rattus Scribus, despite all his valiant verbiage, simply could not hold a candle to the word-smith wizardry of the one and only Tea Rat. Tea Rat, whose every vowel and consonant were like unto the thunderbolts of the god Zeus himself. Tea Rat, whose scintillating sibilants caused poor Rattus to fall prostrate on the ground, lying in a pool of shock and awe.....

Announcer: What do you think you're doing? You're not allowed in here. Hey you, come back here. Security! Security!


Rattus: Having a good time are we?

Tea Rat: It wasn't me.

Rattus: What wasn't you?

Tea Rat: Whatever.

Announcer: Ladieeeees aaaand gentlemeeen...

Rattus: Here we go. Good luck old thing.

Tea Rat: You too, old friend.

Announcer: ...the first of our final contestants, give it up for Tea Rat.

 Tea Rat:
Love. By Tea Rat

Some say it is passion
Some say it is lust
To one it is fashion
Another it's trust
 The future that's promised
In the giving of rings
Through the wailing of tempest
To the songbird that sings
But of all of the tributes
That have ever been penned
There is none so acute
As the one called a friend
And so my dear Rattus
without further adieu
I dedicate this poem
to none other than you

Rattus: Sniff, sniff. I don't know what to say. I'm deeply touched. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, For his unexpected poem of tribute to our friendship, I concede victory to my oldest and dearest friend, Tea Rat.

Announcer: And there you have it. The winner of the Rat Poetry Slam 2012 Mayan Calendar Apocalypse Edition is, my rat and yours, Tea Rat. 

Tea Rat: Told you I'd open up a can of wup-arse on you

Rattus: What was that?


Castles Crowns and Cottages said...


Breaking the third wall here, RUBEN, you are the best. YOU ARE RATTUS and now, YOU ARE TEA RAT!!! I must invite friends to this, you are too much. NOW for Tea Rat.

Tea Rat, aren't you the clever one, taking advantage of the announcer's absence! RATTUS DEMANDS A RECOUNT! You clever rat you! But I must say, if for nothing else, your wit and cunning ways make you a WINNER!!!!! LOVE YOU RUBEN! MOI

Martina said...

Love this ratty poetry slam Ruben - and the love poem is just great! Cheers to your gorgeous art and Anitas drawings - made me smile!

Angelsdoor * Penny said...

Ruben you are TOO MUCH! Your wit and sense of humor just makes me laugh!!! Anita, your illustrations say it all...
What a team you both make...
HERE HERE for Tea Rat and Rattus!!!
With GREAT admiration and love, my dear friends...
Penny and Bebe

Palomasea said...

Love it...Congratulations to you both, dear Sirs!! :)
This is just so great!!
Big hugs to the awesome duo!
- Irina

George The Lad said...

Round of a paws for Tea Rat, lovely poem, Congrants on your Rat Poetry Slam 2012.
Have a good week
See Yea George xxx

Fete et Fleur said...

We loved it!!!


Angelsdoor * Penny said...

Thanks so much Ruben for wandering over to meet Grandpa Rabbit. Glad he gave you a smile...Tell Tea Rat and Rattus he would be more than happy to read to them.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Borrow Tea Rat's boots and KICK that door down.

Nezzy said...

Rock on Tea Rat!!! This was fun!

I just wanted to pop in and see what ya'll were up to...seems I stumbled into a battle of sorts! Heeehehehe!

God bless ya and have a marvelous day Man!!!

Angelsdoor * Penny said...

Dear Ruben
This was such a great post.. What a hoot!!!
What a wonderful surprise to have you visit! Thank you so much for your kind words.

Tell Tea Rat that Abby said she would gladly come over to Witsend and jump over his bed until he is sound asleep...
Love and Blessings,

Nezzy said...

I was just poppin' in to wish you a magnificent weekend man.

God bless ya!!!

Edie Marie's Attic said...

I do so enjoy my visits to see you my favorite "rats"! You always keep me chuckling within!

And that's no April Fools!!

hugs, Sherry

Nezzy said...

Have a wonderfully blessed day!!!

Rhissanna said...

A Comment Haiku

storm in a tea cup
as a rat taking centre stage
professes his love