Such a Deal!

Text by Ruben Rivera. Art by Anita Rivera.

Tea Rat: Someone tried to cheat me at the market today, but I showed them.

Rattus: What do you mean?

Tea Rat: Well, I wanted to buy a box of tea, so I asked: How much is this tea? The grocer responded: Two boxes for 5 bucks.

Rattus: Yeah, and then what?

Tea Rat: Then I held a box in each hand and showed him the left one and asked: How much for this one? He answered: 3 bucks. So I said: I'll take other one.

Rattus: Such a deal!

True Riches.

Rattus & Tea Rat's Witsend Cottage

by Anita Rivera©

Rattus: What did you do this week?

Tea Rat: Well after I worked selling some of my tea to make a living, I read, wrote poetry, did some gardening, did volunteer work, got together with friends, and went on walks.

Rattus: Sounds nice.

Tea Rat: I also met this rich person. He told me that I was wasting my time and that I should take my little tea business and turn it into a global enterprise.

Rattus: Why?

Tea Rat: Because then I could expand and open up tea shops everywhere.

Rattus: Why?

Tea Rat: Then I could beat my competitors by cutting out the tea growers and have my own tea farms, and manufacturing plants, and distribution centers, and franchise stores and go straight to tea consumers myself.

Rattus: Why?

Tea Rat: Because then I could offer an IPO and the stock proceeds will make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.

Ratttus: Why?

Tea Rat: Because then I can retire.

Rattus: Why?

Tea Rat: Because then I can read, write poetry, do some gardening, do volunteer work, get together with friends, and go on walks.

 --

Truth in Advertising, Pt 2: A Pictorial

 

"Our enormously productive economy demands that we make consumption our way of life. That we convert the buying and use of goods into rituals. That we seek our spiritual satisfaction, our ego satisfaction, in consumption." (Victor Lebow)

Tar and nicotine smoke is

good for anything that ails you.

Above: Rice Krispies, Activia yogurt, Mini Wheats, and POM:

The FTC exposed these companies for making unproven claims that their products help prevent cancer, lower blood-pressure, improve your attention span, strengthen your immune system, and add years to your life.

They should call these cookies, "Mrs. Cheaply's"

Doesn't the above transformation require the reorganization of matter

at the sub-atomic level?

A little Dermitage creme and the laying on of hands

in the name of the Lord goes a long way.

Oops, we mean May 21, 2012

"My what big pockets you have."

Reality TV? Plato is turning over in his grave.

Keep believing.

Truth in Advertising

By Ruben Rivera©

OK, I know that advertisers are known for stretching the truth. But surely we can agree that the above skincare ad goes way beyond that to criminally lying?

I've heard of cremes that promise to "smooth and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles". But are we really expected to believe that woman on the right side of the picture was once the Melting Maniac on the left.

Look at her. She looks like the Wicked Witch of the West AFTER Dorothy threw water on her. Doesn't this kind of transformation require, like, the reorganization of matter at the sub-atomic level?

And give me a break. Are they really claiming that their creme can heal blindness too. Look at the side-by-side picture of her eyes! Wouldn't that require, you know, God?

Hey, I just thought of something. We should rub some of this creme on the creators of this ad. Maybe they'll be cured of blindness too.

Oy, 'da pain.

Tea Rat: Hey Rattus, I just picked up a couple of books on Jewish jokes. Want to hear one.

Rattus: A book?

Tea Rat: Har, har, har. No, a joke.

Rattus: Sure.

Tea Rat: A man goes to his rabbi.
Very distraught he says, "Rabbi, my wife is trying to poison me."
The rabbi says, "I know your wife."
"And?" asks the man.
"Take the poison."

Shake(speare), rattle and roll

 

From the ancient mists of time

where dwelt the sages way,

the bard of all bards plied his rhymes

that took our breath away.

His words the brush on paper canvas

painted tales in august hues:

of Eden's sweet green innocence, alas

with blood-red guilt we came to lose.

But heaven intervened and sure

with message from above,

 that deep within us lies the cure,

in faith and hope and love.

.....

Rattus! Oh, Rattus! Humm, he left his desk.

Now what has he been up to? Hmmm. 

♪ ♫ From the ancient mists of time

where dwelt the sages way ♪ ♫

♪ ♫ the bard of all bards plied his rhymes

that took our breath away ♪ ♫....

-------- 

Text by Ruben Rivera©

Art by Anita Rivera©

Nearer My God To Thee

 

Rattus: Ugh! My knee is acting up again. I can hardly climb the steps to our cottage. My back's a misery too. On top of that, I think I need stronger spectacles. I'm getting old, dear friend.

Tea Rat: My old da, Teadore Rat, used to say, "You know you're getting old when you used to dream about being able to fly, and now you dream about being able to walk." You know what else he used to say?

Rattus: I can't wait.

Tea Rat: You know you're getting old when your bark is worse than your bite because you have no teeth.

Rattus: Very funny.

Tea Rat: I'm joking. You're not getting old. You're getting ripe.

Rattus: That's disgusting. 

Tea Rat: What I mean is, you're maturing...like a venerable old wine.

Rattus: Stop talking.

Tea Rat: I thought you were a religious fellow. Remember the hymn, "Redeemed, redeemed, His child and forever I am."

Rattus: Right now the only hymn that comes to mind is "Nearer My God to Thee." No doubt about it, my friend, I'm headed for the long goodnight, the big sleep, the light in the tunnel, the fertilizer factory, toe-tag town, I've got one foot in the grave, I bought the farm, I'm circling the drain, pushing up daisies, checking out...

Tea Rat: ...Alright, alright. I'll take out the garbage.