He Was A Good Rat.

Ruben Rivera's Rattus Scribus Blog©

Rattus: Tea Rat, what are you doing?

Tea Rat: I'm writing my obituary. I was reading the newspaper obituaries and they're not very exciting. No plot. No foreshadowing. No hero's quest. No rising action, climax, or falling action, no conflict or resolution. When I die, I want to make sure the newspapers get my obituary right.

Rattus: You just mentioned parts of fictional literature. An obituary is a simple public notice of someone's death with a few factual highlights of their life.

Tea Rat: It doesn't have to be boring does it? It's not enough that I'll be dead, the summation of my life has to be dead too? We want meaning, drama, characters that a reader cares about, irony, literary panache. The reader should be in tears when they're done, emotionally spent, unable to take any more.

Reepicheep, Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawntreader

Rattus: Alright. Let's hear the obituary you have created for yourself.

Tea Rat: "He was a good rat."

Rattus: That's it?

Tea Rat: What do you think? Why, Rattus, you're crying.

Rattus: I'm emotionally spent. 

Tea Rat: Well, whaddaya know. It worked.

"Blessed are the cheese-makers."

Rattus: Please stop. I can't take any more. 
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Happy Goosegiving

 Ruben Rivera©

Rattus: Hoy, Tea Rat. What's that you're hiding behind you?

Tea Rat: Hiding? Me? I'm not hiding anyth...

Rattus: Is that a turkey? Why are you hiding a turkey behind your back?

Tea Rat: It's not a turkey. He's uh, Mr. G-Gobble. Y-Yeah, that's it. Mr. Gobble from way out in Left Field, come to visit us here in Nowhere for Thanksgiving. He's a second cousin twice removed on my father's side.

Rattus: You're a rat. He's a turkey. That's not quite right...

Tea Rat: Well, you know my old da. Quite the ladies rat.

Rattus: It's not a question of your da's tastes. How can I put this? "Turkey and rat cannot begat." What's really going on here?

Tea Rat: Oh, alright. I met ol' Goose here...

Rattus: A turkey named Goose?

Tea Rat: Yeah. You see, I met ol' Goose here in a store window. He looked so friendly that I went in to say hello. Then that's when he told me.

Rattus: Told you what?

Tea Rat: That he was going to be someone's dinner. That he was going to the feather factory, the last round up, toe-tag-town...

Rattus: Toe-tag-town?

Tea Rat: You know, that his goose was cooked.

Rattus: Ah, hence the name Goose.

Tea Rat: No. that just happens to be his real name.

Rattus: Go on. Did you ask the store owner to set him free?

Tea Rat: Not really, no.

Rattus: Then you paid for him and brought him home?

Tea Rat: Not exactly.

Rattus: Oh, sweet Saint Rodentia. Don't tell me...

Tea Rat: I couldn't just stand by and watch Goose get gobbled. So naturally I grabbed him and ran. Rattus, uh, one more thing...

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

Rattus: Let me guess?

NPD: This is the Nowhere Police Department. We're going around the area looking for a fugitive turkey and his rat accomplice. Is there a turkey in there?

Rattus: No, sir. We only have a goose.

Knock, Knock

Knock, Knock!

Tea Rat: Who's there?

Rattus: It's me, Rattus.

Tea Rat: Rattus who?

Rattus: You know, Rattus. Live here. You're oldest and dearest friend. Rattus.

Tea Rat: If it's Rattus, why are you knocking to get into your own house?

Rattus: Because some boob -- who for the moment shall remain nameless -- locked me out while I was taking a morning walk.

Tea Rat: Prove that you're really Rattus.

Rattus: Let's try this again.

KNOCK, KNOCK!

Tea Rat: Who's there?

Rattus: ♪ ♫ It's me-ee. ♪ ♫ Rattus ♪ ♫ 

Tea Rat: Rattus who?

Rattus: Rattus - I'm-going-to #^@* kick-you-so-hard-you'll-be-wearing-your-arse-for-a-hat-if-you-don't #^@* let-me-in-this-minute - that's #^@* who.

Click!

Tea Rat: ♪ ♫ Come in. ♪ ♫ 
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Art by Anita Rivera© Text by Ruben Rivera© 6 Oct 2011