2012 Rat Poetry Slam: Valentine Apocalypse Edition

By Ruben Rivera© Art by Anita Rivera©

Tea Rat: Rattus, did you hear there's going to be a Rat Poetry Slam for the best Valentine poem of 2012.

Rattus: Really? Well, I'm going to win that prize. 

Tea Rat: You mean you're going to win second prize, because someone else is going to win the first. 

Rattus: And who might that be? 

Tea Rat: Why me of course, boyo.

 Rattus: You? You couldn't rhyme two identical words. 

Tea Rat: I tell you I'm going to win the Rat Poetry Slam to prove my love for Miss Moussie. 

Rattus: I think your cheese has slid off its cracker, son. I tell you that I'm going to win that contest to prove my love to Bebe the mouse.

Tea Rat: OK let's put it to a vote. Let's ask our readers whose poem is the best. 

Rattus: You mean I'll write some Valentines poetry and you'll write some and our friends will vote for the winner? 

Tea Rat: Exactly.

Rattus: I don't know. It sounds so crude and and unromantic.

Tea Rat: Brrrauck...bauck...bauck...bauck...bauck.  Brrauck...bauck...bauck. 

Rattus: Are you implying that I'm chicken? 

Tea Rat: Brrauck. 

Rattus: Very well then, you're on. And may the best rat win. 

Tea Rat: Thank you. I will. 

Rattus: Laugh it up. We'll see who laughs last.

Tea Rat: Tee...hee...hee... 

Rattus: Ha...ha...ha 

Tea Rat: Tee...hee...hee...

Rattus: Ha...ha...ha 

Tea Rat: Tee...hee...hee... 

Rattus: Ha...ha...ha

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From now until Valentines Day, readers will have the chance to vote for their favorite Valentine poem from these two crazy rats. Two poems will be posted at a time. Just say in your comment which poem you like best, Rattus' or Tea Rat's. The first two poems will be posted in a few days.

He Was A Good Rat.

Ruben Rivera's Rattus Scribus Blog©

Rattus: Tea Rat, what are you doing?

Tea Rat: I'm writing my obituary. I was reading the newspaper obituaries and they're not very exciting. No plot. No foreshadowing. No hero's quest. No rising action, climax, or falling action, no conflict or resolution. When I die, I want to make sure the newspapers get my obituary right.

Rattus: You just mentioned parts of fictional literature. An obituary is a simple public notice of someone's death with a few factual highlights of their life.

Tea Rat: It doesn't have to be boring does it? It's not enough that I'll be dead, the summation of my life has to be dead too? We want meaning, drama, characters that a reader cares about, irony, literary panache. The reader should be in tears when they're done, emotionally spent, unable to take any more.

Reepicheep, Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawntreader

Rattus: Alright. Let's hear the obituary you have created for yourself.

Tea Rat: "He was a good rat."

Rattus: That's it?

Tea Rat: What do you think? Why, Rattus, you're crying.

Rattus: I'm emotionally spent. 

Tea Rat: Well, whaddaya know. It worked.

"Blessed are the cheese-makers."

Rattus: Please stop. I can't take any more. 
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Happy and Appreciated: It Starts with You. Part 1.

By Rattus Scribus©, 15 Sept 2009

Hurt & Unappreciated: This is a culture where all too often one can be made to feel very unappreciated and unimportant indeed.


Top 10 signs that you are unappreciated:
10. People always seem to talk about you in the past tense.
9. You keep being asked to operate the camera for the group picture.
8. People keep trying to walk through you.
7. You’re told that you’ll go far, and the sooner you start the better.
6. Your co-workers keep asking, “May I help you?”
5. Someone asks for your opinion and immediately starts looking at an imaginary wristwatch.
4. The only "personal" mail you get are bills.
3. You’re told you’re irreplaceable, and that’s why you can’t have the promotion.
2. Even the IRS doesn’t recognize your existence.
And the number one sign that you're unappreciated:
1. There’s a retirement party in your honor and you’re not even close to retirement.

I wrote that Top Ten joke a few years ago as an icebreaker for a Staff Appreciation Day at which I was asked to speak. It is more relevant today than then.

The financial collapse of the last couple of years has thrown many out of work, out of homes, out of sorts, some even out of hope. Moreover, the ongoing trends of corporate America make it likely that (unless one has in-demand skills) many people who do find work will earn less, have less medical coverage (if at all: I know people with multiple jobs, none of which will give them medical insurance), and generally will find it more challenging to keep body and soul together than a decade ago. Like a disease we thought long ago eradicated, preventable financial disaster has come back, and with it all the symptoms that were common during the last pandemic called The Great Depression: lack of joy, of a sense of meaning, of being appreciated, that one matters.


Add to all of this the widespread frustration with many corporations and businesses that are run by very unsavory beings like the Ferengi, from the TV series, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The Ferengi were an alien culture that had elevated "Greed is Good" to the highest of virtues. Obviously meant to symbolize the worst of a heartless type of capitalism, the more unscrupulously avaricious a Ferengi was the more hideous his appearance. And they deserved it: Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #111: "Treat people in your debt like family: exploit them." Rule #211: "Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Do not hesitate to step on them."

This is a culture where one can be made to feel very unappreciated and unimportant indeed.

What is one to do? Stay tuned for my next blog post, where I will share with you some insights (psychological, historical, humorous, spiritual, etc.) about what you can do if you feel unappreciated, used and hurt by employers, other people, and the big wide world.

Refrigerator Etiquette

By Rattus Scribus© 11 Sept 2009

Like many teachers, I bring my lunch to work and put it in the faculty lounge refrigerator to keep it fresh. Now, a community fridge may be the last place to keep anything fresh. One day I went with the usual fear and trepidation to retrieve my lunch. I opened the fridge. My senses swooned. My sensibilities violated. "That's it," I thought. "We need some rules around here." I posted the following on the faculty bulletin board.

Refrigerator Etiquette:

• Remember to check your food every few months and consider donating it to science, or dumping it.

• If it's yours, you are responsible for it leaking, oozing, smelling, growing or moving. Please adopt it, or dump it.

• If it's yours and it colonizes, fuzzily, all the other foods in the fridge, please revoke its diplomatic status, and dump it.

• Finally, if a year or more should pass and your food should become a new species or gain self-awareness and cry "Zul" when you open the fridge, please call the Ghost Busters, or, here's a thought, dump it!